Tuesday, December 31, 2013

A New Year's Poem.....LMFAO!!!!!!

Christmas is over 
Thank jeebus for that!
Since now it is time To 
throw some shots back 

Jimmy and Johnny, 
Jack and Jose, 
They take all my clothes off, 
But what can I say?

Order me doubles, 
No chasers please 
If you drink like a pussy, 
you cant hang with me 

I'll act like a bimbo 
I'll think I can sing, 
I'll boss the whole dance 
floor Like it aint no thing 
I'll grab on some titties, 
I'll squeeze tons of ass 
I'll rub on those dicks, 
with my double wide ass 

But sooner or later 
Theyll fuck up my vibe, 
They'll cut off my drinks 
and say I cant drive 
Well fuck all you bitches,
I'll just go puke Before 
I pass out On some 
random old dude.


Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Top 10 Short Funny Christmas Jokes


10. What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes!

9. Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ho-ho-ho!

8. Where do snowmen go to dance? Snowballs!

7. Why was Santa's little helper depressed? He had low ELF esteem!

6. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a shark? Frostbite!

5. Where do you find reindeer? It depends on where you leave them!

4. What do snowmen eat for lunch? Icebergers!

3. What do reindeer have that no other animals have? Baby reindeer!

2. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic!

1. How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed? You wake up wet!



Friday, December 13, 2013

HOW I END UP RUINING MOST THINGS THAT BRING JOY TO CHILDRENS HEARTS HAHA......

SO MY KIDS GRANDPA IS PLAYING SANTA AT THE HOLIDAY EXPRESS TRAIN HERE IN PORTLAND SO WE DECIDED TO TAKE THE KIDS DOWN..... I SAT HERE AND DRILLED MY OLDEST FOR MORE THEN 2 HOURS, DRILLED HIM ON THE WAY THERE, AND REMINDED HIM WHEN WE GOT THERE ABOUT HOW HE BETTER NOT BLOW IT IF YOU RECOGNIZE ITS GRANDPA BECAUSE YOUR LITTLE BROTHER DOESN'T KNOW BETTER AND LOTS OF OTHER KIDS DON'T KNOW EITHER......THE MIN SANTA COMES OUT I SAY GO SAY HI TO GRANDPA KIDS SUPER LOUD IN FRONT OF ALL THE OTHER KIDS LOL MY MOM WHIPPED AROUND GAVE ME THE LOOK, GRANDPAS EYES GOT BIG, MY OLDEST SONS JAW DROPS, AND MY HUSBAND SAYS "ROCHEAL!" I ALMOST RUINED CHRISTMAS FOR 75 KIDS LOL I FAIL LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL HAHAHA I SWEAR IT SLIPPED OUT LIKE WORD VOMIT D@MN ME HAHAHA

How “I” Peel A Potato.....An Original from yours truely.....



Some people have quick tricks on how to peel potatoes in 10 seconds, but I am going to tell you how I peel a potato. First I go into the kitchen, grab the hand soap, and turn on the sink. I squirt soap into my hand, wash my hands, rinse them, and then turn the water off. I grab a paper towel, dry my hands, and then put the towel in the trash. I then go into the cupboard. Open the door, pull out the bag of potatoes, and put the bag onto the counter.  I untwist the twist tie, and then I open the bag. Once the bag is open, I pull out the desired amount of potatoes from the bag, and I place them into the sink. I twist the bag back shut, re-twist the tie onto the bag, and pick up the bag. I put it back into the cupboard. Next I close the cabinet, walk back to the sink, and turn on the faucet again.  I grab the brush, and I scrub the potatoes, one by one, making sure I get them completely clean.  I go grab my big bowl, off the top of the refrigerator, return to the sink, turn off the water.  I Pick up each potato, and put them into the big bowl. I open the knife drawer, grab a paring knife, and then place it into the bowl. Once all that is complete I walk into the living room. I tell my husband that I’m done washing the potatoes. Then I bat my eyes and smile at him all along listening to him say, “I don’t know why it’s so hard for you to do this and do it the right way.” I explain to him that even when I try really hard. I still peel half the potato off with its skin, and I would hate to waist food. Besides, I’m not nearly as good at it as he is. After that, I move to the side to let him enter into the kitchen, and I smile at him again. Telling him thank you and I love him so very much. His response is always, “Yeah, yeah whatever, move it or lose it woman.” Then I go into the living room sit on the couch. As I sit basking in my own glory I generally listen to him sing while he is standing over the sink peeling the potatoes, and I wait for him to tell me he is finished. Now that is how “I” peel a potato.

 By Rocheal Strong



 

Wee Hughies Boiled Ham....

Wee Hughie was dying.
Tenderly, his wife Maggie knelt by his bedside and asked, "Anything I can get you, Hughie?"
"No" He replied.
"You must have a last wish, Hughie?" asked his wife.
Faintly, came the answer. . . "A wee bit of of that boiled ham over yonder would be nice"
"Ach, man... you can't have that" said Maggie, "You know it's for your funeral".

Parachute Trouble....

A man goes skydiving for the first time. After listening to the instructor for what seems like days, he is ready to go. Excited, he jumps out of the airplane. After a bit, he pulls the ripcord. Nothing happens. He tries again. Still nothing. He starts to panic, but remembers his back-up chute. He pulls that cord. Nothing happens...He frantically begins pulling both cords, but to no avail. Suddenly, he looks down and he can't believe his eyes. Another man is in the air with him, but this guy is going *up*!!
Just as the other guy passes by, the skydiver -- by this time scared out of his wits -- yells, "Hey, do you know anything about skydiving?" The other guy yells back, "No! Do you know anything about gas stoves?"